Burger King Birthday Crown Day!
By the time your workday is done, you're going to want nothing more than to slice open your own throat and wait until you've bled yourself blue. You might not want any advice for how to cheer yourself up. After all, if your spirits pick up and you live through the night, you're going to have to go to work again tomorrow. Be smart and stop reading now.
Back at home somewhere, perhaps in a box on a shelf, you'll find the Burger King Birthday Crown that was placed upon your head by your ex-wife last year when you celebrated your 48th with some old friends and some Whoppers (your ex brought her new husband. It was momentous). There have been only a few moments in your life when you truly felt important. The day you lost your virginity to your ex-wife was one. The day you married her was another. And the day last year when you wore that Birthday Crown in the Highway 63 and Route 12 Burger King surrounded by a handful of friends (2), your ex-wife and her new husband. You referred to everyone as your loyal subjects and none of them objected with anything stronger than a bemused chuckle (your ex-wife's new husband did look uncomfortable when you jokingly ordered him to kiss your ring, however).
Why not go home and reclaim your throne. Slide that Crown over your skull and feel the surge of absolute power pulse through your veins as you sit down to watch those Will & Grace reruns. Something tells me the King will reign for another day.
Happy Burger King Birthday Crown Day! And here's hoping you didn't read beyond the first paragraph!