Your Girlfriend Does Sucky Drugs Day!
Whenever she runs out of her sucky drugs, she asks for some of your unfuckingbelievable drugs, and of course you give her some. She's your girlfriend. What the fuck.
But whenever you run out of your outmotherfuckingrageously awesome drugs, and you're always running out of them (surprise surprise) because anyone who has drugs as fucking wonderful as these is going to do all of them as fast as possible. Conducting oneself in any other manner would be disrespectful to the drugs. Your drugs told you (they've been talking to you…well, singing to you really).
Anyway, whenever you run out of your fanfuckingtastic stash…Jesus, last night you swear you were introduced to Christ himself and Christ himself let you put one of his balls in your mouth. It was the single most wonderful night of your life and it really happened. The drugs said so.
Your girlfriend's drugs are sucky, is the point. Compared to yours at least. Of course, anyone's drugs will suck compared to yours. So complaining about other people's drugs not being as good as yours is sort of moot. But when you have to do your girlfriend's drugs (here comes the meat of the matter) because yours are all gone (they were so delicious!delicious!delicious!) it sucks! And you end up getting angry at her. Which is why she's leaving. Now.
"Later," she's saying.
Tell her, "Have fun doing sucky drugs, loserface!"
She'll shake her head. "This was a wake up call for me. I'm gonna go straight."
Tell her, "Might as well. The kind of drugs you do can’t make you feel much better than being straight." Your drugs will laugh, and you'll start to laugh too.
"What are you laughing at?" your girlfriend will ask.
"Nothing, nothing," say. "We were just laughing at what I said."
Say, "Me and my drugs."
Suddenly frightened for her life, your girlfriend will run away.
Happy Your Girlfriend Does Sucky Drugs Day!