Sunday, July 24, 2005

Babes & Sandwiches Magazine Day

Babes & Sandwiches Magazine Day!

Your favorite Babes & Sandwiches magazine centerfold was June of 2003: Kelly and a genoa salami and provolone grinder. The grinder sat on a narrow steel tray that was balanced on her belly. You could tell in the photo that the grinder was still hot and her giddy smile seemed to indicate that the heat coming through the plate was making her belly quiver. Kelly was splayed out on her back on a picnic blanket underneath a beautiful sunny sky, and the sandwich was spilling forth with so many sautéed onions and green peppers it looked like they might topple into her belly button. The best part, the part that you'll never forget, was the single droplet of grease sitting off center on her pelvis in that space where her belt would go, below her belly button and an inch about the rim of her yellow pubis. The bauble of grease was so round and fat it was clear that with a little more giggling it could start to dribble down between her legs. Kelly was from Nova Scotia and was studying to be a tree surgeon.

You picked up this month's issue today, the first time you've looked at Babes & Sandwiches in quite a while. Maybe you've just grown up a little, but you can't help but feel that Babes & Sandwiches has really gone downhill. The sandwiches are always the kind that you'd never want to eat if you were in the mood to go eat a sandwich. Weird, gourmet breads and big balls of mozzarella, stuff you'd never be able to even fit in your mouth. This month's is an open-faced number with romaine lettuce, these big scary mushroom and some dabs of brown mustard. What the hell are they thinking? And the girls all look like strippers. Like a thousand-dollar-a-night showgirl is gonna fix you a sandwich and put it on top of herself? Please. You heard that the publisher was bankrupt and his daughter was running the show now. Figures.

Happy Babes & Sandwiches Magazine Day!