Monday, April 11, 2005

You'll Build Tennis Courts Day

You'll Build Tennis Courts Day!

Like your Daddy before you and his Daddy before him, it is expected that you'll design and build private tennis courts on the estates of the wealthy. But you have a different dream. You want to design and install swimming pools.

"You're a Crawford," you were told by Grampa Crawford, who is still alive and in charge of the family business. "Crawfords have been designing and building tennis courts for thirty five years."

Your father added, "Crawfords aren’t going to start designing and installing swimming pools."

Today, show them you mean business and leave the family to go and live on your own. You have no money, so you'll have to work as a whore. Your family will send out several private investigators to find you, but they won't be able to locate you until you steal three thousand dollars from your pimp and word gets out on the street that there is a bounty on your head. Your father will have the private investigators pay off the pimp with fifteen thousand dollars, and the promise that he will be killed by policemen if he does not call off the hunt for you. Before the private investigators can drive you home themselves, you'll walk through the front door, a full eight months after you disappeared. Following a few weeks' rest, you'll take your seat at the Vice President's desk that's been waiting for you at the offices of Crawford Courts.

Every once in a while, you'll wonder what might have been if you had been allowed to design and install swimming pools. You'll also wish that you hadn't worked as a prostitute, since that's going to suck.

Happy You'll Build Tennis Courts Day!