Tuesday, April 19, 2005

77 Dead At The Lincoln Ridge Mall Day

77 Dead At The Lincoln Ridge Mall Day!

At the end of the day everyone in your band will make a pact to never play adjacent to a sporting goods store ever again. The problem is that every time your band plays a show, everyone in the crowd is aware of a whole new era in music opening up before them. It's like the crowd is moving through Kubler-Ross' five stages of dying as they feel all of their heretofore unchallenged conceptions about music wither away with every chord change. First the crowd just stands there, confusedly stilled by the denial and isolation of the first stage. Then they get angry and start picking fights and throwing things at the stage. Following that would normally be the stages of bargaining (please just let me try and reconcile how great this band is with all the bands I thought were great up until I showed up at this concert tonight), depression (I can't believe I have to go home and destroy all of the music I own because none of it matters anymore after hearing how great this band is), and acceptance (holy shit I just found out about a great new fucking band).

But today no one's going to make it past the anger stage because your show is at the Lincoln Ridge Mall and you'll be playing in the food court within sight of the sporting goods store. So when the kids start milling and shoving, searching for a physicality to express the betrayal they feel at having realized music has been making fools out of them for so very long, a few of them will remember that the sporting goods store sells rifles and ammunition. So in the middle of your set twelve kids are going to smash and grab some weapons and start shooting into the thick of the crowd. The shooters will turn the guns on each other as well, and only three will still be alive at midnight tonight. In all, 77 will have been killed. A lot more wounded.

Today's your Altamont. And you're going to find out whether or not you'll keep playing even though people in the crowd are starting to die. Have a good show, and thanks for giving your music to us. It's helped us through some pretty rough times, like when our Dad was drinking a lot and we felt all alone. Your music kind of made us think someone else out there is feeling the same way.

Happy 77 Dead At The Lincoln Ridge Mall Day!