Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman Day!
Getting laid off has been hard enough on your marriage. But when The Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman steps inside your vestibule, the temptation will be so great that you might as well just go ahead and fill out some divorce papers before you even offer her a sandwich.
"I've got so many wonderful bikinis to offer this season, there is no way I'm leaving this house without having sold you two," she'll say with a tickle of her long red fingernail down the bridge of your nose.
"Fine!" you'll shout. "Just hand over whichever two you want me to buy and go."
The Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman will start to cry.
"Hey," you'll say. "Come on now. I'm going to buy the bikinis."
She sniffles, hunched there on the ottoman. "Everyone thinks I'm just out to make a buck. But that's not it. I sell these bikinis because it's important to me. Outfitting the community in the perfect sun and swimwear is what I feel like I was meant to do. Ever since I was fifteen I just knew."
"I'm sorry," you'll say. "How old are you now anyway?"
"Seventeen," she'll say.
"Go on my seventeen year old true believer. Sell me some bikinis."
She'll bound from her seat and shout, "Where can I change?! I know, how about behind this four-foot tall recliner! No peeking."
And so you spend the afternoon with The Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman modeling bikini after bikini for you in your living room. Occasionally, they come untied and she has to do what she can to keep herself covered up while giggling. When she complains of the heat, you'll offer her a large soapy sponge to squeeze some cold water down her chest and belly. When she gets thirsty, you'll give her an ice cube to suck on. When she gets hungry, you'll offer her a banana.
After four hours of slipping in and out of bikinis while trying to crouch her five-foot-five-inch frame behind the four-foot tall recliner, the The Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman will leave very happy, having met her quota of selling $600 dollars worth of bikinis with just one house visit. But she won't stay happy, because the check you'll write her is gonna bounce like a superball.
Happy Door-To-Door Bikini Saleswoman Day!