Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Visit With Your Assassin Friend Day

Visit With Your Assassin Friend Day!

"Thanks for making time for me," Jenny will say.

Tell her she's not the only one who's busy. She's always been this way. Back when she was working those late hours as an editor at MSNBC, she'd berate anyone who dared schedule a birthday party when they knew she'd be at work. And now that she's an assassin and every job means she has to disappear to another continent for four to eight months, everyone is supposed to drop everything for this long series of "Goodbye Jenny" events.

"I guess I know how little you'll be missing me when I'm gone."

Tell her, "You act like you were sentenced to go into this line of work. For God's sake, you're the one who wanted this job. You get paid $75,000 for pulling a trigger on a gun. And we're all supposed to feel sad because you have to spend Autumn and Winter in Morocco?"

"How'd you know I'm going to Morocco?" she'll ask.

Point to the plane ticket she's holding in her hand.

"Fuck!" she'll rip up the ticket and log onto Orbitz.

"So are we getting drinks or what?"

"Just let me change my itinerary okay? Or were you hoping to be the one they would torture until you give up my whereabouts?"

Go and wait outside on the stoop. She'll get weepy after a Cosmo and it'll be nice to say goodbye again. Until she has that Cosmo though, just bite your tongue.

Happy Visit With Your Assassin Friend Day!