Pull Down Your Pants Day!
Today's the day when-- Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you!
That's better. Now today's the day when you should stand there in front of me and let me watch you pull down your pants with no music playing. I'll be drinking malt liquor and talking on the phone to a friend who is making me laugh. If you pull down your pants too fast, or if I get distracted and miss the cordoroy roughly bunching down your naked thighs, I'll tell you to do it again, you understand? Don't just nod, say yes!
Just trust me, it's for my benefit. I want to one day remember what the top of your head looked like when you bent down low to untie your shoes and pull your pants legs down from overtop your sweatsocks. Up until then, you'll just have been staring at me kind of afraid, but when you show me the top of your head, you're all mine. And I'll be able to watch your belly fold in on itself without you following my eyes and getting self-conscious about it. Hang on, pull em back up, I got a call waiting.
Happy Pull Down Your Pants Day!