Friday, February 07, 2003

It's the Girls Are Pretty "Go Back To Bed. No One's Asking After You" Weekend!

Today and tomorrow are going up at once because this is another one of those weekends when Prettygirl cares so little about you all that she wishes your absence could take the form of a baby so she could breastfeed it. Scroll down to read today's. Don't read tomorrow's till tomorrow. I can't believe you sometimes get through the day without tossing yourselves in front of speeding buses.

Saturday, February 8, 2003

Dance Again Day!

The Machine Parts Plant Owner has promised to curb his factory's harmful smog emissions if you beat his number one bodyguard at the Danceoff. You haven't danced since your opponent hanged himself following the trouncing you dished out to him at the 86 regionals. But this is for the environment and to prove you can still fit into the pants. Now hit the floor, Travolta.

Friday, February 7, 2003

So Motherfucking Beautiful Day!

Fuck the sunset. Fuck the snowy Sunday morning on a city street cramped tight with fire escapes. Fuck the little baby in his angelic baby smile. Fuck a momma cat licking a baby kitten clean. Fuck a rescued kidnapped little boy running down the street into the open arms of his crying Daddy. Fuck the autumn foliage and fuck the pussy-ass deer while we're at it. Fuck horses and fuck a plate of seared tuna with three stalks of asparagus lying aside. Fuck a bed of roses and motherfuck glitter too. Rainbows, ocean waves, mountain ranges and acts of kindness, FUCK ALL Y'ALL! Fuck the Big Dipper, fuck the Little Dipper, and fuck the little kid sitting alone on his roof pondering the night sky. Fuck all that shit because you just showed up and you're wearing that dress and HOLY MOTHERFUCK!!!

Happy So Motherfucking Beautiful Day!