The Place For Mankind In The Universe Day!
Today is the day to contemplate the place for mankind in the universe but to save you time, Girls Are Pretty will just tell you what it is.
The universe is like a big, warm tub full of water. Mankind is naturally predisposed to want to climb into the tub and soak for a while. But every time mankind does this, all of the universe's hot water gets used up and inevitably, Dad wakes up late for work because he stayed out drinking again and he hops into the universe for a quick shower to wash his cuts and abrasions clean, but there's no hot water left. So he finds mankind and slaps him silly, this time so bad that Mom has to call mankind in sick for school. What mom doesn't know is that the last time mankind's guidance counselor read mankind's absentee note, she looked at the bruise on mankind's arm and said that if mankind missed one more day of school, excused or not, she would call his mother and father in for a conference. Mankind tries to warn his mother from making him stay home but his mother won't be embarrassed by the bloody slice in mankind's upper lip. She keeps him under wraps and mankind spends the day regretting the place he took in the universe because he knows that getting called into the guidance counselor is going to make Daddy angrier than ever. Mankind wonders why he always has to be such a bad boy and make Daddy angry.
Here's hoping you all are feeling a little less inconsequential now.
Happy The Place For Mankind In The Universe Day!