Monday, October 14, 2002

Lay Down And Pee Day!

Kids getting on your case because you still haven't come through on the promise of two new puppies that you made when you kidnapped them from their mother three weeks ago because you knew she'd win custody of them in court once she brought up your two years of unemployment and your huffing addiction? And every night you can hear them whispering in the living room, no doubt conspiring to split on their own, but not before you come home from handing out coupons at the strip mall parking lot so they can steal whatever cash you manage to bring home that day as if you'd ever bring home any cash.

Fuck it. Just find yourself a nice, highly visible brick wall, lay down right up against it on your belly, and go 'head and pee. Let it all bubble up in the pockets of your pants before seeping out onto the sidewalk and forming a stream off into the street. It'll feel nice and warm and soothing at first. Then it'll get cold and people will stare. Many people will laugh quietly with each other because you will look funny. A do-gooder will call an ambulance because she will worry that you're dead but will find you too dirty to shake awake herself. Then the police will come and this whole thing will soon be over. This will soon be over.

Happy Lay Down And Pee Day!