Sunday, October 13, 2002

Five Ways That Pout Of Yours Is Worth More Than Money Day!

5. It's illegal for the judge to wipe the slate clean of those 673 dollars in parking tickets in exchange for money in his pocket. But he'll do it if you scrunch up your chin and give him those "I'm cold and I'm hungry" eyes.

4. When you tell your Dad you crashed his car into a pole at the Jack in the Box drivethru and you say, "But don't get all heated up. I'll pay you back for the repairs over time. Are we out of Scotch?" he's still gonna beat you with some plyers. But if you just say sorry Daddy and scrunch up your chin and give him those "Sometimes I worry that there's bad people in the world will you protect me from them and give me maybe some Scotch?" eyes, he'll just ask if you're okay and if you were drinking. Lie.

3. When you beg your husband of twenty three years to stop it with the Zippo lighters during sex and you offer him cash in it's stead, he might think you're trying to belittle him for his wacky little quirk and retreat to a shell of self-pity or to a whorehouse for the next few years of your marriage. But not if you scrunch up your chin and give him those "I used to like to wear halter tops but I can't anymore because of all the scar tissue" eyes.

2. Two words: "ANOTHER COOKIE."

1. If you tell someone you're in love with him or her, they'll say "You couldn't pay me enough to love you back." Offer fifty dollars and they'll say sixty. But if you scrunch up your chin and give him or her those "I'll kill myself if you don't do what I want" eyes, he or she will say, "All right. Fifty five you beautiful little fool!"

Um, see?