Friday, October 18, 2002

It's The Girls Are Pretty "Two Days Go Up At Once Just In Case Shit Gets Fucked Up Tomorrow, You Understand" Friday And Saturday!

Today's Friday right? Jesus Christ, Tecate has no aftereffect whatsoever, beyond the whole "Can't remember where those scratches on my face and neck came from" thing. Anyway, as many of you know, Prettygirl leads a very dangerous lifestyle filled with psychosexual misadventures as well as heartwarming moments of "Fagging Out Big Time, Yo." This weekend is looking thick with jailtime, so you're getting both today and tomorrow today. As usual, scroll down to read today's today. If you read tomorrow's before tomorrow, you're going to die.

Saturday, October 19, 2002

At The Car Wash Day!

Go to that really big car wash with two lanes so that you can ride alongside another car during your wash. Make sure that all morning you've been feeling like things are about to come full circle. Like a chest you found in an attic is about to be opened to reveal a photograph of your mother in the arms of a strange man, the date on the back indicating the embrace to have taken place 11 months before you were born.

If you go in with this mindset, you're going to be disappointed. All that's going to happen during the car wash is you're going to look to your left and, through the suds and sheets of water, you'll be certain the person behind the wheel of the adjacent car is someone you used to date but never really dug or someone you kind of knew in high school you think. Your lane in the wash will stall for a few minutes, allowing that car to pull out and get dried and vacuumed and pull away just a second before you have the chance to verify whether the driver is who you think it is. You won't really care though.

Happy At The Car Wash Day!

Friday, October 18, 2002

Wear A Shirt You Never Ever Wear So That The Next Time You Wear It Everything That Went Down Today Will Come Flooding Back In A Gush Of Intoxicating Nostalgic Bliss, Unless You Just Got Raped Day!

To give you an idea of how it'll feel, put on that 14 year old Gap shirt that's kind of too small and rides up over your belly so you can only wear it amongst people who are close enough friends to understand how much you dig showing off your belly. I bet even before you look at yourself in the mirror, just by smelling the fabric you can't help but plop yourself right back into that Sunday night when you decided you wanted a drink so you made one phone call to one of your closer friends who happened to be on the other line with another friend you can tolerate and they were looking for something to do and so you all decided nothing sounded better than going to that one bar where the bartenders start buying back after two pints especially if it looks like everyone in your party is attractive. And then just by chance, a few cell phones were dialed and one or two folks happened to be in the area and one or two others were thinking of heading home but decided on a quick pop before making the trek and before you knew it about twelve people you'd take a bullet for were crowding into your booth and recounting stories of the first time a funeral made them cry and naturally you made out with someone you'd known for over nine years.

Now look at yourself in the mirror and I dare you to try not to undulate. Can't do it can you? You're already in the midst of a day you're going to look back on with wonder the next time you dig out that shirt and start dancing all alone in a bedroom. Today will be remembered so make sure today is a day you'd like to one day remember. I'm not saying go hold hands on a park bench or do whip-its or something. Just don't be cunty.

Note: If you just got raped, put on something that you'd wear any old time but make sure it's not a shirt that makes you look way hot since you're probably going to throw it out so you don't have anything to remember today by. Chances are you'll be wearing a paper gown all day anyway, depending on how up to date a rape kit your local hospital's got going on, so today probably won't apply to you at all anyway.

Happy Wear A Shirt You Never Ever Wear So That The Next Time You Wear It Everything That Went Down Today Will Come Flooding Back In An Gush Of Intoxicating Nostalgic Bliss, Unless You Just Got Raped Day!