Friday, August 31, 2007

The Ex-Girlfriend Across The Street Day!

You left your ex a few weeks ago and promptly moved in with the girl you were cheating on her with and you’ve never been happier. It was really just such a great decision. Except that your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to let go.

“It’s just really creepy,” your new girlfriend and former secret lover Stacey says. “Why does she have to wear a nightgown and no shoes?”

“That’s what she used to wear to bed when we were together. I guess she thinks it’s bedtime. Come away from the window and go to sleep.”

“It’s starting to rain,” Stacey says. Indeed it is. But you know that won’t send your ex away. She’s been coming to the sidewalk across the street from your building every night at 11 PM. And every night she stands there until sunrise, staring at your window. And occasionally screaming wordlessly.

Stacey comes away from the window. “I’m starting to think you like having her there. That you like knowing she can’t move on.”

“Hey I left her for you. You have no right to be jealous. I’m with you now.”

“And if you ever get bored with me you can just go right across the street into her waiting arms.”

Just then you hear your ex scream. It’s a longer one.

“Can’t you just tell her to go home?” Stacey asks.

“It would be easier if I got someone who lives in the building across the street to break up with her boyfriend so that her boyfriend would hold vigil on this side of the street and he and my ex could spend the nights staring into each other’s eyes and eventually they’d realize they have a lot in common, namely the tendency to stand on a sidewalk in their nightclothes for days at a time when they’ve been wronged, and they’d both just go off together and get some rest.”

You and Stacey look at each other. You both know it’s just crazy enough to work! But you’re going to have to get into that building across the street before you can convince one of the tenants that she should break up with her boyfriend, so you’d better start learning to pick door locks.

Happy The Ex-Girlfriend Across The Street Day!