Friday, August 24, 2007

Sell State Secrets To Hostile Foreign Governments Day!

You’re out of light bulbs, stamps, and toner cartridges. Where’s all the money gonna come from to get back up to speed?!

“That is it!” you think. “I need a new job and fast!”

You should start selling state secrets to hostile foreign governments. All you need to do is get your hands on some state secrets (make love to a head of state and then write down everything he says in his sleep) then you need to advertise to hostile foreign governments (don’t use Craig’s List or you’ll get caught by the CIA. Just go to the Capitol buildings of hostile countries and stand outside with a sandwich board telling everyone with eyes what you’ve got in your jacket lining).

For a good state secret (launch codes, where the frozen aliens are hidden) you can make anywhere from a trillion to a googol dollars. For a bad state secret (abort codes, who to bribe in the parking space lottery drawing) you can make 20 to 40 billion dollars. For state secrets that everyone already knows (where America is, what America is) you’ll really be selling that stuff just for the frame it comes in. You can still make a couple of million though. Just make sure you don’t get caught or you’ll get hanged. But no one said taking some initiative to improve your financial well-being wasn’t risky!

Happy Sell State Secrets To Hostile Foreign Governments Day!