Sunday, April 09, 2006

Snowglobe Day!

You love creating miniature dioramas for snowglobes. But you also love killing runaways and leaving clues for the police to try to grasp whom and where you'll kill next. In these two loves, you refused to compromise.

The way your game of cat and mouse works is, you create a diorama depicting the setting, method, and victim of your next murder down to the smallest detail. For example, your next victim will be a cherub-faced runaway who lives underneath the bridge. You plan to kill him with some garden shears in the alley behind the opera house (the cherub-faced runaway loves to lean his ear up against the back wall of the opera-house and listen to the performances). Today you're going to finish up a snowglobe that displays a beautiful snowfall blanketing the very accurately designed back-alley where the cherub-faced runaway is leaning against the opera-house wall and you, your face covered in a red winter scarf, are lurking behind him with the garden shears held in your upraised hand. Then you'll mail the snowglobe to Detective McKluskey (the only detective that you think might actually be your intellectual equal) and he'll have only two things to do. Scour the shelters for that cherub-faced runaway and check the daily weather reports for hints at the next snowfall. Where you live though, snow is as frequent and unpredictable as the breeze.

McKluskey will study the snowglobe for clues he knows you left for him. Clues as to where in the city that alleyway could be. He knows there's something. Amongst the sanitation company names on the little dumpsters and the style of fire escape on the buildings, there's a message you left for him and when he finds it, it will seem as simple as if you wrote the address on a post-it note and stuck it to the glass. He knows you're playing with him, and he knows you want to play fair. That's why he's letting his marriage go down the toilet while he spends his nights sitting at his desk, shaking to vibrant life the ominous winter tableau of a child-murder contained inside a snowglobe.

Happy Snowglobe Day!