Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Your Chauffer Knows Where There Are Hookers Day

Your Chauffer Knows Where There Are Hookers Day!

"You are very lucky to have me as your limousine chauffer for the evening," Hector told you when you began your drive from the airport. "I know where there are hookers."

You told him that you just wanted to get to your hotel so that you can get some sleep and then wake up bright and early to reconcile with your daughter after all these years. He seemed hurt.

"But…don't you want to know where there are hookers?" he pouted.

You said, "Okay Hector. Show me where there are hookers."

The first place he took you was an underpass.

"See?" he said. There were indeed hookers for as far as the eye could see.

"That's great," you said. "But you know, it is an underpass. Everyone knows that the hookers live underneath the underpass."

Hector said, "You are very brilliant. I will take you someplace where you never would have guessed you would find a hooker."

Hector took you to 378 Oak Tree Lane. He knocked on the door and an old woman answered. Hector told her, "He wants to see the hooker."

She led the two of you quietly up the stairs to a bedroom where a 20-year-old woman was napping. She looked quite pretty.

"My daughter," the old woman whispered.

"A hooker too, yes?" Hector asked excitedly.

The old woman nodded. Then closed the door softly.

Back in the car, Hector said, "Impressed?"

"Yes Hector, I never would have guessed there was a hooker in there. Can I go to my hotel now?"

Hector said he wanted to take you to one more place where there are hookers. The place he took you to was a Stop N Shop.

"There," he said, pointing at the supermarket.

"Hookers are here?" you asked. "Which aisle?"

Hector didn't like your joke. He peeled out of the parking lot and started speeding down the highway.

"I'm sorry Hector. It was just…"

"The hookers are in the back of the store inside the loading dock! But you do not deserve to know where there are hookers!" Hector said. "You deserve to be tied to a wall and carved open while you are still alive."

That's what Hector's doing to you right now. It's awful, and you'll die soon. Just a day before you were finally going to pull your daughter back into your life.

Happy Your Chauffer Knows Where There Are Hookers Day!