You Found Twelve Buttons of Mescaline In Your Son's Underwear Drawer Day!
"Tell me you're not using these," you'll say. "Please tell me you're just dealing."
Your son will tell you to stop being a square.
"What were you doing in my underwear drawer anyway, pervboy?"
Tell him you were just checking to see if he'd updated his sissy little diary yet.
"Wanna read about my action because you're not getting any yourself, that right?" he'll say.
Hit him. He'll hit back but it won't hurt.
Say, "Look, I just think we should have a talk about hallucinogens. They don't make you funnier or more attractive the way cocaine does."
Your son will say that he was just holding them for a friend.
"You think I'm going to fall for that?" ask him.
Your son will say that you got no choice and if you try to confiscate them his friend will demand that he pay for or replace the buttons or else.
"You want to see me on crutches? Go ahead and flush them."
Tell him he's hanging around with the wrong crowd and he should never hold or deal for anybody who isn't giving him a strong piece of the supply.
"5 to 8 percent," say. Then tell him you're leaving town for a few days on business and he'll have to figure out how to eat and get to school on his own.
"I got it covered," your son will say. "I love you Dad."
Hold your son in your arms.
Happy You Found Twelve Buttons of Mescaline In Your Son's Underwear Drawer Day!