Friday, December 23, 2005

Take Your Buddy's Wife Out While He's Away Day!

Take Your Buddy's Wife Out While He's Away Day!

Your friend Dave has a very attractive wife and he's afraid of her cheating on him unless she is constantly entertained by male companionship.

"Can you take her out tonight?" he asked you yesterday. "I have an offsite in Springfield and I won't get back until tomorrow. If she's left alone for the evening, who knows how many times she'll cheat on me."

You told Dave that you understand his terror and that you'd be glad to take her out so that he can know who she's cheating on him with.

"No!" Dave shouted. "I just want you to take her to a movie and some dinner and be good company for her so she doesn't feel the need to have sex with anybody. Can I trust you to do that?"

That bummed you out, but you agreed to help him.

Tonight at dinner, you'll discover that you're no match for Dave's wife in conversation. She's very well-read and knows a lot about economics. You'll try to keep up, but whenever you go silent or you trudge through a boring story, you'll see her eyes glaze over and she'll start sending glances in the direction of other men in the restaurant.

To keep her from luring strange men, you'll resort to spilling your wine on the table and tapping her plate with your fork and asking her if you can try her entrée. You'll lose sight of her when you drop your knife under the table, and she'll make a dash for the rest room where another diner has gotten the message and will be meeting her in one of the stalls. Luckily, you'll burst in just in time to pry them apart.

"Stop it," you'll shout at the other diner. "She's just bored!"

The other diner will run away. Dave's wife will shout, "Damn right I'm bored. Why don't you go wait in the car?"

Say to her, "Because I'm your husband's friend. And your husband loves you so much that he asked his friend to keep you entertained so you wouldn't be forced to betray him. But I guess I didn't do that good a job,"

Dave's wife will feel bad. "No, you were great company. Really." She'll put her arm on your shoulder.

Say to her, "Your husband really cares about you. You owe it to him to get through the night without having sex with other people."

Dave's wife will take a deep breath. She'll say, "I'll try."

"That's all I ask," you'll say.

After that, go back to the table and talk about movies. Her attention will stray occasionally, but she won't try to have sex with anyone for the rest of the meal. Just to be safe, after you take her home, drive to the end of the block and keep your eye on her house.

Happy Take Your Buddy's Wife Out While He's Away Day!