Take Your Stockboy To Lunch And Give Him Some Advice Day!
You were just like him at his age, pounding the pavement and knocking on shop windows looking for some way to make some soda pop money. He works hard and he keeps his fingernails clean. As best you can tell, he don't steal from the register neither. He's a good kid. Take him out for a hamburger and tell him the three things he needs to know:
"All waterfront hookers got knives in their purses."
He'll write it down on that little pad he uses to take notes on inventory.
"Everyone says that if you hang yourself from a belt and beat off, the orgasm is the best you'll ever have. They're wrong. The orgasm is just okay. And it's not worth the risk."
He'll write – "Belt myth. Not worth the risk."
"There's no room for pride in love. You find yourself in love, you hand it all over. Your money, your car, government secrets. No one's gonna blame you for doing what it takes to hang onto the only thing keeping us going. We're all gonna die. Might as well die with someone caring a damn about you."
He'll ask you to repeat what you said starting with "your car," but slower.
Happy Take Your Stockboy To Lunch And Give Him Some Advice Day!