Saturday, December 03, 2005

Win The Racist Races Day!

Win The Racist Races Day!

Every year your hate group holds a day of track and field events to raise money towards keeping Mexicans out. The big day is today it's time to do whatever it takes to get that trophy back from your nemesis, Grand Wizard Lightning Toes.

Grand Wizard Lightning Toes' real name is Grand Wizard George Normandy. But when it was discovered just how fast he could run, all of his minions decided that he deserved a nickname because Grand Wizard George Normandy didn't make it sound like he was a very fast racist. Some people objected that the name Grand Wizard Lightning Toes sounded like an Indian name, and Indians are brown. But everyone agreed that in this case the paranoia surrounding such things could yield to the necessity of getting the word out to all the other hate groups in town that their Grand Wizard was the fastest pure-blood European descendant ever to set fire to a big cross then run away.

But you know something about Grand Wizard Lightning Toes that probably no one else knows. Grand Wizard Lightning Toes is allergic to mustard powder. This morning you're going to slip into the kitchen at Ma Hatred's Breakfast Nook and drop just a spoonful into her biscuit batter. Grand Wizard Lightning Toes is a braggart and he loves to announce that he can run just as fast with three biscuits in his belly. Once he takes a bite of Ma Hatred's delicious buttermilk biscuits, he'll die. Then you can head over to the field grounds and win that race fair and square.

Happy Win The Racist Races Day!