Monday, August 08, 2005

Washed Up Rock Star Corey Hart Day!

Washed Up Rock Star Corey Hart Day!

You drink too much, which explains why last night you went home with washed up rock star Corey Hart. He's making a lot of noise putting together some pancakes in the kitchen, and you're lying in bed trying to figure out how to get him out of your apartment before your roommate spots him.

"You don't have any blueberries," he'll say when you walk into the kitchen. "I thought I saw a produce stand on the corner. I'll go get some."

Say, "That's okay Mr. Hart."

Corey will turn around. "Wait a minute. Mr. Hart?"

"Sorry. Corey," say. "I'm sorry, I just remember you from when I was a kid, dancing all day and night to your song."

Corey Hart will lean against the kitchen cabinet. "It was a great song wasn't it."

Nod. "It was pretty good. Definitely fair."

Corey Hart will move to you and take your cheeks in his hands. "But now you're a woman. And I'm still the man who sang that song for you."

Take his hands off of your cheeks. "You sang your song for the world. I hold no claim on you Mr. Hart."

"I'm yours if you'll have me," he'll say. "Forget the blueberries. Lemme make you a frittata."

"I don't want Corey Hart to make me a frittata. I want you to stay the way you were the day I first heard you," tell him. "I'm sorry, but if we go any further, it will ruin what you've meant to me all these years."

Corey Hart will say, "But we already went further. For like 40 minutes. You were a stallion."

"Luckily, I was drunk enough that I don't remember anything about that," tell him. "And sure, I could keep drinking and go on seeing you while in the debilitating throes of a blackout…"

You and Corey Hart will look at each other, suddenly freed from the bounds of nostalgia. "Eureka!" you'll say.

Corey Hart will pull the bottle of Wild Turkey down from the top of the fridge. You'll down as much of it as you can while he leads you back to your bedroom with just a gentle pull on your fingertips.

Happy Washed Up Rock Star Corey Hart Day!