Friday, August 12, 2005

Home Invasion Spree Day

Home Invasion Spree Day!

Today, invade some homes. Get a couple of friends together and storm through a suburban neighborhood bursting through front doors and climbing into ground floor windows. When you get inside, you'll find a stay-at-home parent and some kids, or just some people who are unemployed. Regardless of why they're at home, they'll be excited that you want to play Home Invasion Spree, and they'll spring into action to defend their kingdoms.

First, they'll run to the kitchen and start flinging carving knives and electric crock pots at your head. If either hits you, you could die so stay frosty.

Next, they'll take off upstairs with their children and lock themselves in a bedroom. You need to break down the bedroom door with an axe (or a bat) and get a hold of them before they climb out the window and warn everyone else on the block that they should prepare defenses against a home invasion spree.

Once you've gotten into the room, tie everybody up and duct tape their mouths. Now it's time to plant your flag. Drill a hole into the floor boards and insert the staff there, being sure to hold it in place with some caulk. Then begin your dance around the occupants and sing your Home Invasion Victory Song:

You can lock your doors
And load your guns
But you can't stop The Havenhurst Municipality Bandits!

So hide behind the couch
And cover the floor in boiling fat
The Havenhurst Municipality Bandits will still rule!

Ev – en
If – You
Shoot – Our
We –will
Prob – Ly

So don't shoot the faces
Of The Havenhurst Municipality Bandits
And we won't spraypaint anybody!

Now that the home has been claimed, move onto the next house. But don't steal anything on your way out because stealing is wrong.

Happy Home Invasion Spree Day!