Prepare For A Nuclear Holocaust Day!
Preparing for a nuclear holocaust means a lot more than going out shopping for bulk prices on canned goods and porn. It also requires that you use your children's college money to dig under your home and fortify the walls in iron. You'll have to buy some bandanas too. And small arms to keep out the neighbors who will come banging on the door to your shelter, forgetting how they used to call you a damned fool when you first broke ground. And like it or not, you'll eventually have to choose a daughter with whom you'd be willing and likely to procreate should the propensity of the species fall on your shoulders.
There's no better day than today to get started. Especially since its safest to assume that at any given moment a horde of warheads are hurtling across the Atlantic just itching to incinerate your freedom into the dust. Remember, every time you fall asleep the communists are breaking into your home, placing their dicks on your shoulder and taking Polaroids.
Happy Prepare For A Nuclear Holocaust Day!