Sunday, August 28, 2005

Find Everyone Who Ever Broke Your Heart And Evict Them Day

Find Everyone Who Ever Broke Your Heart And Evict Them Day!

Now that you are one of the most powerful real estate moguls in the country, with two hundred million square feet of business and residential space under your control, it's time to give your acquisitions department a slightly more emotional focus.

Give your scouts the names and any identifying details concerning all of those former paramours, unrequited loves, and prospective prom dates who laughed in your face when you asked. Locate their current residences, have a buyout plan prepped, and one by one take over their land and kick them out on the street.

They won't know why or what for. So you're gonna have to roll up in your limo and show your face. Just hang out the window and shout something like, "Guess you wish you'd have thunk twice before grinding my heart into the dirt! Enjoy homelessness." Then have your driver peel away in such a fashion that your limo speeds through a puddle and splashes any children your ex-lover might now have to transfer into a new, less desirable school district.

Happy Find Everyone Who Ever Broke Your Heart And Evict Them Day!