Turnpike Breakup Day!
The morning traffic jam leading to your exit will look no different than the previous 736 weekday mornings of your life. You usually crawl for twenty minutes and then it's a clean stretch to your cubicle. But today, your heart will sink when you spot a young man walking backwards in between the cars. People don't generally get out of their cars unless there's an ugly wreck up ahead, which means you could be looking at over an hour's delay.
You'll be startled when the young man knocks on your passenger side window.
"Can you give me a lift?" he'll ask when you roll down the window for him.
Ask him, "Did your car break down?"
"No," he'll say. "My girlfriend doesn't understand me."
You'll unlock the door and he'll slump in the passenger seat. He'll tell you that he couldn't take her nagging anymore and stormed out of his car. This will be followed by a long, bitter speech about how his girlfriend thinks that he's not really an artist just because he's a struggling cartoonist writing a yet-to-be-published comic strip about a talking raccoon and the family whose trash cans it is constantly raiding. Just nod and occasionally cluck your tongue when he talks about his girlfriend's (perfectly sensible) insensitivity to his need to remain unfettered by employment in order for his "vision" to mature. He'll be cute, and at least a decade younger than you, which means you can take him home today and control his every word and deed for as long as he's satisfactory in the sack.
"I'll get you out of here kiddo," say. Then call in sick to work and start maneuvering your way to a closer exit. Unbeknownst to you, his girlfriend will only be five car lengths ahead and will have watched him climb into your vehicle. She'll have positioned her car to follow you home well in advance. While you're having sex with her boyfriend later this afternoon, she's going to burst into the bedroom and pepper spray the both of you. You'll wake up hours later alone in your bedroom and tied to the radiator. You'll hear some noises coming from the living room.
Happy Turnpike Breakup Day!