Monday, April 05, 2004

Powdered Cream Donuts Day!

The last guy who broke up with you brought a dozen donuts with him when he did it. He was good enough to come to your apartment to do it, and he called ahead to let you know by his tone that he was coming over to do it, which is cool. But when you opened the door you saw him with a resolute look in his eye and a pink cardboard box in his hand. You let him in without saying anything.

All the way upstairs you were thinking, "Did he bring a cake? Cupcakes? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he just wants to…is it my roommate's birthday?"

You got him all the way to the couch and then you went to the bathroom to ponder what the fuck could be in that box.

A hat? A kitten? Um…a hat?

You were determined to not primp in the slightest for this, but when you thought that, instead of breaking up with you, he might be about to give you a hat or a kitten, you put your hair in a clip.

A deep breath took you back out to the living room, where you sat down next to him on the couch. You let your left arm spread across the back so your hand was near his hair.

You asked, "What's in the box?"

"Donuts. Look this just isn't working out. I think you're great but you're stuck in a part of my life I left behind a long time ago. I think I've just grown past you is all."

Nothing happened for a long time. Then you said, "Donuts?"

"I'm sorry but I've made my decision," he said. "I'm going to be causing you pain no matter how I do this, so I'm just going to get out of here now to avoid drawing this all out. This way you won't say anything you might regret saying later. Goodbye."

He got up and left. You stayed on the couch, staring at the pink box in the middle of the kitchen table.

You took a walk. Met a friend at a bar and got a little drunk. When you came back it was nighttime. Your roommate was sitting at the kitchen table. The donut box was open.

"Did you eat some of those donuts?" you asked.

"Yeah," she said. "They were great."

"Jeff brought them," you said. "We broke up."

The lid of the box was open. There were probably nine donuts left. You wondered if any of them might be jelly.

Happy Powdered Cream Donuts Day!