Saturday, April 03, 2004

Bonfire Breakup Day!

Tomorrow's homecoming, and he needs to have his head, and his heart, in the game. Many would say that you're letting down the whole school by breaking up with him tonight. But you know how his heart works. You know that by sending him to bed with heartbreak, by letting him sleep with the knowledge that he's lost your admiration, his pain will turn to rage and tomorrow morning he will pull himself into his uniform with a pant to destroy.

Coach Deke will grip him by the faceguard. "How you feeling, Richards," he'll bark.

"My heart's pumping so fast my blood's running outta places to go," he'll respond. "I ain't got enough veins in me coach."

His coach will nod his head, not quite understanding what his player is talking about, but he'll assume he's ready to hurt something.

Do it tonight at the bonfire. Pull him away to the woods by his hand, making him think you want to break his no pre-game nasty rule. Then tell him you think you should call it quits because he's not very exciting. It might just make him open someone's neck without using fingernails tomorrow.

Happy Bonfire Breakup Day!