Sunday, April 25, 2004

Girl Called Kitten Day!

I want to make love to you tonight.

Kitten scurries across the banquette when Kevin, Janet, Richard, Mona and Helen get up to dance. The first words she's spoken to you since saying hi the night you were introduced two weeks ago.

I want to make love to you tonight.


Your place.

But I'm crashing on Richard's couch right now. The lease on my apartment was in my former roommate's name and he let it lapse while I was in Canada. When I came back, the landlord told me he had new tenants moving in in three days and I had to scram. We can't make love on Richard's couch.

How about my place then?

But you live with Helen. She's my ex-girlfriend and though we're both over it and we're pretty good friends, I'm certain she wouldn't be cool with me having sex with her roommate in her apartment.

I like hotel rooms.

No cash.

I like bathrooms.


My name is kitten and I wanna get fucked in an alley behind some trash cans like a proper kitten.

Like…standing up?

Mm hm.

So you'd be like…bent over leaning on the rims of some trash cans with your skirt up and your panties around your ankles and I'd be…

Behind me, yes. Yes. Let's go.

Jesus. Ew. No. What if there are rats or other people having sex out there? There could be like a bouncer out there having sex with an underage girl who he's decided to make his "regular Saturday night thing."





I've got some coke.


Just then, everyone comes back from the dancefloor, sweaty as hell. Richard makes out with Mona, then Helen, then Mona again. Kevin and Janet, in unison, say to you and Kitten, What the fuck's your problem dicks?

We were trying to figure out where to have sex. Then I found out she does drugs.

Don't tell them that.

I think they deserve to know what kind of person you are.

What the hell are you talking about?

You do drugs. That's not cool.

It's not. (Richard)

Really, you should have told us about this before we agreed to go out on the town with you. (Janet)

You're disgusting. (Kevin)

Big asshole. (Helen)

(Mona doesn't say anything)

Look cocaine's groovy. You're all just chickenshit.

Tell Kitten to go so you all can enjoy the rest of your evening without being around losers who do drugs.

Happy Girl Called Kitten Day!