Tuesday, June 10, 2003

The New Constellation Day!

Astronomers and stargazers are floating on air today. A new constellation has been found, one of the largest ever, comprising what is now believed to be 130 individual stars, all holding firmly in place to form the outline of you taking a problematic shit.

It's definitely you, because the stars have arranged themselves in such a way as to detail that cowlick at the tip of your head. And the shape is clearly the shape that you take when you appear in someone's daydream. The night sky is a brilliant minimalist, and that's never been more evident than in the two short clumps of white light that denote the wrinkles stretching back from the corners of your eyes, signalling the strain put upon every muscle in your body as you do all you can to dislodge a turd from just inside the cavern of your anus. Your mouth hangs open to form a tense oval, as if you are in the middle of saying "Oh fucking christ not again! Always at a dinner party. Every fucking time and I get stuck in here for fifteen fucking minutes! Just drop already for christ's sake!"

The stars have also fallen into line to draw a conservative pair of casual dress pants clumped around your ankles, the kind of pants you only wear when you have to look a little nicer than you want to. But the stars did give you a very nice pair of shoes. I like your shoes.

Happy The New Constellation Day!