Thursday, June 26, 2003

It's the Girls Are Pretty Yesterday's And Today's Up Today Day!

Yesterday five men in suits broke into Prettygirl's house and chewed at her flesh for twenty-six hours. Therefore she was unable to post yesterday's personal regression assignment. Her apologies. You are all quite weak.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Study The Wrinkles Of Your Dog's A-hole Day!

Note where the a-hole twists in on itself in a manner that, to the eye, appears to guarantee an absolutely impenetrable knot, much like a naval. Use a magnifying glass to verify that, yes, though you just watched the little pooch defecate through that very orifice not three hours ago, this a-hole cannot allow passage to even the tiniest of cylindrical object. Then shove your pinky into the center. If your pinky goes inside your dog, say aloud "I was mistaken."

Happy Study The Wrinkles Of Your Dog's A-hole Day!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Paint Your Self-Portrait Day!

Start with your hat. If your hat does not currently sport a feather, add one in the painting. No one will know the difference. Do it now.

Next, paint your bare legs and pelvis. Then put on some paints and paint them overtop the bare legs and pelvis. You might not like the way you look in the pants you've chosen to wear. If this is the case, you can either take off your pants, repaint your bare legs and pelvis, then put on a more flattering pair of pants and paint them over top the bare legs and pelvis, or you can embellish. That is what is wonderful about art. It lets you fib.

Using shading around the crotch area, make it look like your vagina is two inches too far to the left.

Next, paint your naked torso. Do not put on a shirt and paint over your naked torso. Paintings are better with titty.

Now for the face. You really can't lie about the expression you give yourself, since this is the expression that comes from deep inside you, unless you blow at painting. But if you can muster the right feelings, you might be able to paint a face that says to the average self-portrait appreciater: "I have lots of money and am a really fun date." If all you can come up with is, "I have eyes but don't know how to paint the right color," then paint a thought bubble above your head with a dollar sign in it. If you want to get your point across, paint a second thought bubble with the image of dick sliding inside a pussy and draw little arrows pointing at each. At the negative end of the arrow pointing at the dick, paint the word "yours". At the negative end of the arrow pointing at the pussy, paint the word "mine."

And now for the background. Use the Acropolis.

Happy Paint Your Self-Portrait Day!