Sunday, June 16, 2002

Learn How To Make Poison Day!

Yes, drink Drano and you will most likely die. But how easy is it to get an impotent King to drink Drano?

There are so many poisons out there that are thousands of years old and are just truly fucking awesome when it comes to offing a dude because they were made by ancient Indian civilizations full of guys with nothing better to do than sit around all day dreaming up ways to kill a motherfucker who likes to drink beverages that are offered to him.

Well, little Mr. Unemployed, are you going to spend the day complaining about how you have no one to go see the Ya Ya Sisterhood with because all of your friends have jobs and families? Or are you going to empty out the kitchen cabinets and concoct a potion that might as well be the Grim Reaper himself if the Grim Reaper took the form of a delicious Strawberry Daiquiri? I know you well and I know there's a little Village Medicine Man inside you that's just waiting to come out. You'd look dope with a femur pierced through your nose and you'll get more ass than a place called "Assy Asstowne" whose slogan is "If It's Ass And We Don't Have It, We'll Order It!" once the neighborhood finds out that you got rid of the Town Bad Tipper when you spiked his Mochachino with a droplet full of judgement day that made him bleed something out his eyes that looked like a slurpee. Dress sharp.

Note: Use your poison-making talent for good. If you use it for evil, you're almost guaranteed to drink your own poison one day, and it'll be a poison that lets you live those few extra seconds it takes to acknowledge the irony of being undone by the very thing that made you such a badass in the first place.