Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Don't Worry, You Too Will One Day Die Day! (Promise)

Sometimes it feels like life might never end. Day after day of heartache and feeling sleepy on public buses sitting too close to gangrenous men who are singing. We're all looking forward to crossing over into the dark blank. But you wonder: "What if I'm the one whose health just never crosses that line? Isn't it possible that my heart just might keep on beating? Dear Christ what if I'm the motherfucker who has to keep on living forever?!"

There's no need to sweat. Precedent indicates that you too are not long for this world. So far, in the history of humanity, no one has lived longer than like 111 years or so.

Q: But what if there are people who are immortal but they're just hiding because they're shy?!!

A: Hmm. That's a tough one. I guess you're right. Though highly unlikely, it is possible that this misery might never end for you. Shit.

Happy Don't Worry, You Too Will One Day Die Day! (Probably)