Friday, June 07, 2002

Date Someone Who's Hot And Has A Terminal Illness Day!

The great thing about hot people who are dying is they have a really great attitude. Seize the day type stuff. And you'll never be bored because they always have this long list of wild activities they wanna do while they still have the energy. You could barely get your ex to go see a movie but with a hot dying person you'll barely get through a weekend without hang-gliding through a rainbow or meeting Michael Jackson or something. The sex rules, and not just because he or she is hot. You thought you felt sexual panic the last time you went a few months without? Try filling out organ harvest consent forms and see if you wanna cross a few new positions off the list.

Once he or she starts to deteriorate, it can be a bit of a drag. But if we're talking "really hot," for the first few months you only have to worry about dark circles under the eyes and a drop in weight (which might not be bad). Eventually you'll have to put up with incontinence and night-screaming, but the big payoff is once he or she kicks it, you get to be the mourning lover which first of all is about the most erotic thing you can be and second of all you won't have to leave the house for like six months before someone accuses you of milking it. Everyone's going to pay so much attention to you, you'll start to feel like you matter to people. Also, if you're lucky and the hot dying person scored a contract with Make-A-Wish neither of you are gonna have to pay for dick while you're dating!