Your name is Louise today and you’re using a baby as a body shield.
“Louise!” your coworker and your only friend will shout.
“I’m innocent,” you’ll scream.
“But a baby? Come on Louise. Are you innocent of that?”
You’ll look at the baby. “You don’t know what you’d do in my position.”
She knows what she’d do. You know too.
“Look, I panicked,” you’ll say. “The baby’s peeing”
The baby’s peeing over your fingers.
“Put the baby down Louise,” your friend and coworker will shout. “This looks so bad.”
“I’m innocent,” shout again. “I was, at least."
You’ll lower the baby a little in shame. A marksman with the shot will take it. You’ll fall and the baby will land on your sprawled out legs.
Tomorrow you’ll be you again, but as far as today is concerned, for Christ’s sake. A baby?
Happy Louise Day!