Today you’re going to experience a home invasion when two men knock on your door then burst in, tying you up, waving a gun in your face, and stealing all of your electronics and valuables before pistol whipping you and leaving. Though you’ve never seen them before and will never see them again, you’re going to count the whole ordeal as an evening of entertaining at home, something you haven’t done in the eleven years since your wife died (your wife cultivated most of the friendships in your marriage and people lost touch with you after she passed). You’re not going to call the police because you don’t want to remember this as a home invasion. You want to remember it as having had company over.
“See that Pam? I can still make friends without you,” you’ll shout at the sky. Then you’ll fall over on your side because you’re still tied to a chair. The paperboy will untie you two days from now.
Happy Home Invasions Count Day!