You’re the world’s most famous corpse thanks to a sex tape that was released featuring a necrophiliac movie star having sex with your preserved cadaver (he paid a morgue to ship you to him on ice). Extra and Access Hollywood are fighting each other to score the first interview with your lifeless husk. Various branding managers are trying to get you to launch a clothing line with them, envisioning your dead body modeling gorgeous ready-to-wear items that twenty-something girls will be dying to be caught dead in. Meanwhile, parenting groups are accusing your corpse of setting a bad example for their daughters, now that there are reports of teenage girls drawing up their living wills to guarantee that their bodies get preserved and donated to the right morgue in the hope that their bodies will be sexed by someone famous once their souls have passed on. Though your memory is being scandalized, the money from the clothing line, book deal, and reality show (Stiff Livin’ on E!) is going straight into your kids’ college funds, so looks like that car accident wasn’t such a bad idea after all. The celebrity who had sex with your corpse was Adrien Brody.
Happy Famous Corpse Day!