You're Their Coach! Day!
Today I'm afraid you're going to have to do a little more than hand out laps around the field. For the majority of that ragtag bunch of losers (who've got more pluck than you'll find in any rich boy driving to school in a convertible, excluding of course the rich boy who is engaged in a doomed romance with a poor girl) you're the only daddy they got. You may not've asked for it, but I'm afraid you got the job.
You're their coach! They look up to you. Now one of your players' girlfriends is pregnant and he needs your advice. You tell him to convince her to have that baby and be a father to his child. Why, I don't know. Just do it!
Tell everyone else to major in auto repair.
Happy You're Their Coach! Day!