No one's saying anything is even remotely right. But the way you woke up today, with that feeling of "I swear to God if I leave this bed today it's going to be to write a letter to the editor and that's it!" Settle down. You're paying bills, you haven't scared off all of your friends yet, 13% of the gender you desire finds you attractive and that percentage is a few points above average. Add it all up, and your life is going pretty smoothly.
Which is exactly why you feel so fucked. You want some drama, yes? You don't just want to absently lose touch with friends and lovers. You want to cut them off and threaten them with violence if they should dare show their face in your life again after what they did. You're not the sole target of a vast conspiracy and you want to know why for fuck's sake! What the hell does it take to get your boy/girlfriend to cuckold you with a guy/girl who is only working the angle to get his/her hands on your collection of porcelains?! And why is it that entire years have passed since someone left a cryptic note under your windshield wiper?
Sorry to say it, but everything's pretty even-keel. Perhaps you could make a few rash decisions? Or were you hoping to spend tomorrow in celebration of "Yep, Same-Old Same-Old In This Cubicle And How's About You Day!"?
Light a match.