Ever since you blossomed into womanhood, you've never been so sexually gratified as when you get to watch other people have sex and tell them how crappy they are at it. You have to spend a lot of time posting and maintaining your casual encounters ads on Craig's List, but you usually get a response at least once every two weeks. It'd be nice if you could find a couple who would schedule a regular rendezvous with you. The only problem is, you aren't a very articulate heckler.
When you see someone performing what you consider to be lackluster cunnilingus, you'll shout, "You call that cunnilingus? Get some glasses."
If you see anal sex that you don't think is very adept, you'll shout, "You call that anal sex? Get some glasses."
Or, if the people having sex start to kiss each other gently just after finishing, you'll shout, "You call that afterglow? Get some glasses."
Today will be no different, and the couple will grow frustrated with your repetitive heckling. "We're wearing glasses," the woman will say. They both in fact will be wearing glasses. "Can you come up with anything a bit more creative, Ma'am?"
"Yeah I can switch it up," you'll say. Then you'll watch the couple get into position for doggystyle.
You'll shout. "You call that doggystyle? What are you blind?!"
They'll get out of bed and throw you out of their house, reminding you that they don't come down to where you have sex and slap the dicks out of your mouth. You'll remind them that you made it clear in your ad that you only wanted to heckle, and if they want to be able to slap dicks out of someone's mouth, they should place their own ad. They'll tell you that you suck as a heckler, and they'll sick a dog on you.
Happy You Like To Heckle People While They Have Sex Day!