Your Mom is going to take you on a fishing trip today.
"I realize since I drove your Dad away when you were two, you never had no Daddy to take you out fishing," she'll say. "So I figure let's do it today and you can get it out of your system."
"But I'm 33," you'll say.
Your Mom will tell you to just shut up and get some rubber pants on.
At the lake, you and your mom will be freezing, but the sandwiches will be tasty and the beer will go down like a toy boat over a waterfall. When you catch your first fish, you and your Mom will jump around and dance like a war just came to an end. Then you'll start to cry.
"What is it pumpkin?" she'll ask.
"I just wish I hadn't had to wait so long to find out how much fun this is," you'll say.
Your Mom will berate you for giving her shit about driving your Dad away again, but you'll tell her you just wish she could have taken you fishing sooner. She'll say bullshit, no one wants to go fishing with their moms, and she'll tell you to find your own way home. Then she'll drive off and leave you there. Way to go.
Happy Fishing With Mom Day!