Today's weekly pizza party is going to devolve into a battleground for angry rhetoric when someone brings up abortion and how it should be kept legal, and someone else responds with a chortle and an accusation of Godlessness.
"Guys, let's just eat pizza," you'll plead. But it won't work. The delicious pizza pie will be no match for their anger. When you came up with the idea for a pizza party, you had been worried about the intrusion of "the big issues." You wanted to have people over to enjoy pizza and laugh and maybe dance to records without everyone suddenly pulling out their soapboxes to shout at each other as if raising their voices makes their arguments any more cogent or even remotely original. That's why instead of inviting your circle of self-righteous friends, you posted an ad on Craig�'s List.
Weekly Pizza Party Starting Up
Straight, white male seeks male companions for weekly pizza party. All those interested in enjoying pizza, laughing, and maybe dancing to records please send emails introducing yourselves as well as photos so I can determine your race. Only room for twelve, so reply soon! Cant'a Wait'a For'a The'a Pizza'a Pie'a!
You got 200 emails but only eight of them showed any real interest in pizza, and only six of those included a photo of something besides an erect penis. You thought that a random gathering like this would avoid "the big issues" since they wouldn't know each other all that well and they'd be trying to be polite. But talk of abortion will find a way.
"Please guys, the pizza!" you'll beg. They'll ignore you and continue arguing. You'll shout, "I wish the debate over abortion had never been born!" They'll all laugh and pat you on the back. When they do, run to put on a record and get them to dance. Your pizza party has spunk, and it just might be able to survive abortion after all.
Happy An Abortion Debate Ruins The Pizza Party Day!
