Monday, February 26, 2007

Judy's On The Rebound Day!

Judy's on the rebound, and tonight, you'll do.

"Don't talk too much," Judy says. "Just pay for drinks and touch me where I say and you'll do just fine."

Nod here.

"You're not Brian and you never will be, so don't even bother trying. Now buy me vodka."

You obey. At the bar, you wonder who Brian could be and why it ended. She'll tell you when you get back to the table.

"He was so fucking full of shit," she'll say, wiping her tears off of her cheeks. "He talked about the future like it was some unknowable mystery where anything can happen. Meanwhile he's worked at the same shit job, lived in the same mess apartment, and complained about the same boring ass shit for the last eight years. The only thing in his life that ever changed was how many bourbons it took to get him wasted. But he claims he can't promise what his life will be like two years from now."

Sounds like Judy gave Brian an ultimatum, and Brian didn't blink. You've got about four days before Judy asks him to come back so you better not waste any"

"Let's go," Judy says. She grabs your head and starts making out with you. When she pulls away, you can see her shaking her head a little bit in disbelief. You assume she's amazed at how inferior your kiss is to Brian's. Hurry into your coat and get her into a cab.

At your apartment, you and Judy have sex. Hectic sex. Lot's of shoving and annoyed grunting, like you're two strangers pushing your way through a crowd to make a train. When it's over, Judy falls asleep immediately. While she's asleep, write your phone number on the back of her hand with a sharpie. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow night she'll decide you were sufficiently not annoying and she'll give you a ring. It's fun to be with someone who doesn't care a damn about what your big fancy plan for yourself might be.

Happy Judy's On The Rebound Day!