Today you should go to the grocery store and stuff a steak under the coat of your five year old son and walk out like that. You learned it from that Joan Jett movie with Alex from "Family Ties" playing the goody-two-shoes who thinks he could ever in a million years tell Joan Jett what to do. In the movie, she's a broke rocker on tour with her kid and in order to bring home some dinner she shoves some meats under her son's clothes. She gets away with it, of course. But Alex catches her doing it and gets all "You're a bad mom" on her afterwards. What he should have been saying is, "You're motherfucking Joan Jett and that's a fact. Shit." If when you're in the store Alex from "Family Ties" walks up to you and tries to tell you that something you've done is wrong, show him your identification in order that he can be remembered who the fuck he thinks he's talking to. Then thank him for that campaign commercial he made. It helped.
Anyway, using a kid to shoplift from a store was bitchin' enough for Joan Jett, so it's bitchin' enough for you. Just make sure your kid doesn't complain about how cold the meat is when you're checking out or they'll find the steak and take him away from you forever. Social Services doesn't understand what it means to rock.
Happy Do What Joan Jett Does Day!