Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Reconstructive Surgery Day!

You have some extra money, so it's about time you treated yourself and got your face surgically reconstructed so that you look just like a young Rutger Hauer.

"I never really liked my face all these years," you'll explain to the doctor. "I look a lot like my Dad and man alive is he ever a son of a bitch!"

The doctor will say, "I don't want your life story. It's really depressing. We gonna do this?"

After the surgery, you'll spend some time with your head wrapped up in gauze so that you look like a big Q-Tip. Once the bandages come off, you'll race over to your sister's to celebrate Christmas with her family.

"Oh my God you don't look like Dad anymore! Merry Christmas to anyone who lays eyes on you!"

"But he does look like a young Rutger Hauer," a beautiful woman standing behind your sister will say. The beautiful woman is your sister's co-worker. She's single and really loved the movie Blind Fury starring Rutger Hauer. You and her will really hit it off and 2007 will be a year of enchanting romance. And not a day will pass that you won't thank your lucky stars that you made enough money last year so that you could pay to cut off your face.

Happy Reconstructive Surgery Day!