Thursday, November 30, 2006

Double-Decker Tour Bus Full Of Witnesses Day!

Today after breakfast when you stab your husband in the chest with a steak knife, a double-decker tour bus full of visitors to your fair city will have just stopped in traffic and the full to the brim second tier of the bus will be at eye level with your second floor apartment window. They'll all turn to peek inside your kitchen just as you land the knife in his chest. They'll gasp when you pull the blade out and your husband slides from his chair to the floor. They'll yelp when you spit on his still-warm corpse. And they'll be frozen stock still when you turn to them and show them your eyes. In that instant, be sure to communicate with your eyes, your posture, and the shake of your head just how low your husband has made you feel these past twenty years. With the way your shoulders rise and fall when you breathe, let them know about the cheating and the terrible words and, even worse, the silence you've been forced to endure for two decades. When you drop the knife to the ground, show them how he never gave you a child. How he forbade an adoption. Show them in the way you close your eyelids how you discovered that he's been tricked by a mistress into raising her child, but you've never confronted him about it for fear of his rage.

With all of your being, show the passengers on the tourbus the entire history of your imprisonment with this man and you can bet every one of them will voluntarily tell the authorities of the man who brutally lunged at his wife with a steak knife and how, by a stroke of luck, the wife managed to get control of the knife and the man ran towards her and impaled himself on the blade. Every single one of those curious souls from out of town will be sure to tell the interrogating officer to pass along their prayers to the woman who tragically lost her husband this morning in an accident that was entirely his own doing. When the investigation is closed and you're cleared of all suspicion, move to a less historically significant neighborhood, or invest in some nice curtains, Knifey.

Happy Double-Decker Tour Bus Full Of Witnesses Day!