You recently ingested something that you shouldn't have (you found some lamb) and now you have parasites. Lots of them. They're indestructible and they grow to be as big as cockroaches. Even though they're eating away at you, you'll actually gain weight because the parasites retain a lot of fat and they'll get very heavy. Soon, they'll grow so big that it will be too crowded inside your body so the parasites will crawl out and live on your couch, crawling back into your body only when they're hungry. If you try to get the parasites to stop crawling in and out of your body, they'll guilt-trip you by telling you you're really selfish and if the roles were reversed, you can bet they'd let you crawl in and out of them. You'll agree to let them continue only after they promise to limit their eating away at you to three times a day. "Five max, dude," the parasites will say. Eventually your girlfriend will stop wanting to come over because of all the parasites on your couch 24-7. You'll beg the parasites to make themselves scarce when she comes over, and they'll agree to crawl inside your body and stay there until she's gone. So it'll eventually all work out.
Happy You Have Parasites Day!
