Monday, December 11, 2006

Girl With A Gun Day!

The plan was for Cecilia to get the cash from the teller and then to grab you from your wife's side and take you hostage, announcing that if anyone tried to stop her she'd shoot you. Then you and Cecilia would race away to an airport in the next state and board a plane to Fiji, where you would live out your days together on the stolen cash.

"I just can't cast my wife aside," you told Cecilia. "I can't let her know. You have to make it look like I had no choice."

Cecilia said that's fine. The only thing you didn't count on was your wife's self-defense class not being a total joke. Just as Cecilia grabs your arm and announces that you're coming with her, your wife will wrench her gun arm behind her back and pin her to the floor (Cecilia really doesn't know how to hold that gun). Cecilia will be arrested and sentenced to five years in jail.

You'll visit monthly for the first year. But your wife's heroism will have reinvigorated your marriage. You just want to forget about Cecilia, but you know that if you stop visiting, she'll squeal about the plan. It would break your wife's heart and you would likely go to jail for conspiracy. But Cecilia will turn into something kind of monstrous in jail, and you'll start to worry over whether she'll still be expecting to see you romantically when she gets out. Ultimately, you'll decide that your only way out will be to go ask the mafia to have Cecilia killed in prison, but boy is that gonna open a whole other can of worms (the Mafia will start demanding a cut of your business. You own Vivendi/Universal).

Happy Girl With A Gun Day!