Friday, December 15, 2006

There's A Senator At The Door Day!

There's a United States Senator at your front door. He needs to use your phone. He caught a flat tire and his cell phone doesn't work around here.

"Think I could use your phone? You see I'm a very important man and I..." He'll trail off when he looks in your eyes and suddenly forgets about the flat tire, and Capitol Hill, and whatever ridiculous bill he voted through today simply because it pours some cash into the pockets of all the fatcats who put him into office, and the only thing in the world that will matter to him will be you and the 25 inches of space he needs to cross to take you.

"Senator!" you'll exclaim. But you won't put up a fight. It's right as rain.

"I gotta get some of that into my constituency," the Senator will say as he drags you through the house trying to find the bedroom. You won't stop kissing for a second. You'll feel like your whole life you've been waiting for the Senator to show up on your doorstep, you just didn't know it until he knocked. This is the start of something big. The Senator doesn't know yet that you're one of those high school teachers who was prosecuted for sleeping with her teenage students, and when he finds out (front page of The Washington Post on Tuesday, a pic of you and him kissing at a fundraiser under the headline "Senator Canoodles With Teen-Loving Teach"), boy is he gonna be peeved.

Happy There's A Senator At The Door Day!