You're in a coma in a hospital bed because you and your wife tried to do it on a moving toboggan. You've been married for fourteen years now and things have been pretty terrible for the last two. Your wife has been pointing out all the fantasies and dreams that have gone unfulfilled, and yesterday she mentioned the toboggan.
"We never boffed on a toboggan while it sped downhill," she said. "You promised."
"How's tomorrow sound?" you replied.
After fourteen years together, you and your wife have very little sex as it is, let alone on a speeding toboggan. But you were pretty sure if you don't start coming through for her she's going to ask for a divorce. So this morning you dug the toboggan out of the garage and you and she drove to the big hill at Pullman's Creek.
You got there early enough to beat the school closing announcements so you were the only ones there. After finishing your coffees in the car, you and your wife started making out to try and get in the mood, or at least, near the mood. Once you got close enough, you both went outside and laid down on the toboggan to commence intercourse. Then you gave a push and started flying downhill while inside your wife. It wasn't long before you were thrown from the toboggan and you slammed headlong into a tree.
Now you're in a coma in a hospital bed, and you're terrified of waking up. After that horrible display on the toboggan, you're certain your wife will announce her decision to divorce you the minute you open your eyes. So you hope you stay in your coma for decades, forcing her to sit by your side waiting for you to come to. You wonder if she's there right now, holding your hand perhaps. Sometimes you think you can hear her voice, but that could be wishful thinking. Maybe she's not even there. It's possible that she just took off and she hasn't even come to visit you. It's possible. The only way to not find out is to not wake up.
Happy Toboggan Day!